haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
