Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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