Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Everclear isn't food dammit
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
