So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
