oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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