my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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