Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
