i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
