Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
