I cannot find my penis.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
