You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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