just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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