I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
