I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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