is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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