i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
