We're like a lot better than the average bears
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
