Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize