is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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