she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
