im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
