My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
