She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
