No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
