I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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