I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
