i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize