I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
