So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
