he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
