carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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