Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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