Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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