I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
