Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
