You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize