I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
