Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
