I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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