She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
