i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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