New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
