dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
