opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize