The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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