I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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