We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
