just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
