They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
