we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
