Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
