she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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