life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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