I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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