ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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