and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
