Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
honey bunches of taint.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
