I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
