Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
