My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
