He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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