cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
