you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
