apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
