If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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